She said " leave cody" in the closet"!

She said to me......."you have never heard that?" I said......"leave cody in the closet?" must be something I need to know......I thought.......then she said......."Cody" is Codependent!.......OH MY!

How to revisit the fact that my codependent nature comes out.....and I think I am a recovering CD but somedays....it just seems to sneak out and seep from the cracks of the door. I try.......to leave it behind and why do I struggle.

Today is a codepenent day I am saddly confessing......but hopefully through blogging I will be able to move forward and realize that ones discontontintment in life....does not constitute in my unhappiness. I am not sure when I will really grasp that thought....but working on it....truely is a start.

When I said to her.....I am a recovering codependent.....her response was "how is that working for you?".......then today......I, of course, was then challenged from the moment my feet hit the ground.......on whether or not I was going to be sucummed to the codependent mentaility! Funny how that is how life works isn't it?

Funny how sometimes our inside nature is challenged just when we think we have crossed over a threshhold of something.....we step right back into an uglyness of our old selves.

So in my total recognition of my old behavior.....I will take contol and totally realize that this is not the way I need to conduct myself today.....it has taken half of my day away....but unlike other days before.......instead of remining in this holding pattern, I will try to work through and break free today....and realize that just because one person is unhappy does not mean it has to be my feeling of the day. Just because the shoe fell out of the sky (not that my old behavior was not waiting for it...and it might have been too good to be true) that my life needs to remain stable and I need to remain happy because of who I have become and not because of outside circumstances.

This new found behavior does not come natural for the codependent...however, if an otter can successfully wear a "beaver" mask....then a codependent in nature.....can recover...and leave it in the closet and move forward in life. So for today.....I will take the advise of this great woman of wisdom...and leave "Cody in the closet" and do my best to continue the recovering process and not stay stuck today.

For all the codependents out there.....bloggers and readers just the same.....I challenge you too today.......to dig deep.......and maybe try the simpleness of this challenge and too, leave it at home.....and step out....get in your car.....drive and be ok......to just do it on your own.........maybe just the SHOVE you needed like me....to say....I really am OK!

Others being OK is not the issue....it is am I OK? And the answer is yes.....I am OK today...........so bloggers and readers.........Hope me putting my behavior out there....speaks a reminder to someone....but even if it only speaks to me........I know......IT'S OK!

UNTIL.....................

Most Amazing Thing in the World

The most amazing thing in the world.......is having children and being a mom. Being a mom is a lifetime of giving of yourself to your kid (s) and reaping back the relationship you have sown into them later in life. Any relationship needs to be cultivated, but the relationship between a mom and her kids is one that is priceless. I have to say that I am blessed to have a daddy that has cultivated a relationship since I was a little girl. I did not always please him with my choices and decisions, but all in all, I have always known that no matter where life takes me, he is always on my side and will bail me out of any situation and walk beside me.

When time came for me to be a mom.....I knew that one of the most important things was emotional relationship with my kids. That if I started when they were little, it would grow and some day I would achieve what he has achieved in the relationship that we both have. My oldest daughter is 20 and has gone from a child to a beautiful and amazing young woman. She is funny, intelligent, witty, filled with compassion and love. She radiates sunshine to everyone around her. My youngest is 14. She is silly and keeps me young at heart, she is smart, hilariously gifted with a wonderful sense of humor, she is beautiful on the inside and outside (that's always a plus), she has many friends she too is compassionate of others feelings and extremely loving. I feel so very blessed to have two wonderful daughters that I have poured all of myself into. With Natalie, my oldest, I am beginning to reap what I have sown into her life for the past 20 years. With Gina, I am still sowing!

I know this is mothers day weekend, and I read an amazing blog this morning about the relationship from a daughter tributing her mother that made me cry. I lost my mother now over 15 years ago and each time this year I feel the loss greatly especially after I read her blog! It prompted me to write a tribute to my girls! My life would be so incomplete without the relationship I have with my girls. I hope someday some of the words spoken by my fellow blogger will ring true as my girls grow and someday have families of their own. She used words like confidant.....wow.......that is truely my goal!

I look at other good moms that have poured their lives into their kids while they were young, now as their children are having children, I see how it all comes back to them so a lesson learned. Like Coach K....she has given emotionally her love, acceptance, guidance, perseverance into both of her children, and now, as a Nana she is really reaping a beautiful garden of blessings. As a mom we have many seasons in our child rearing that brings us tears and brokenness as much as joy and happiness. As our kids find their place in the world........it really should be a moms turn someday and I see how Kathy has been such an amazing example of not only being a great mom....but building that relationship once again in her grandchildren.

She learned it honest, Kathy did, as she learned from the best I have ever been honored to know. My granma was a woman of compassion and sowing relationships. When I was little her and granpa took me to the mall, faithfully once a month on a Saturday. They gave me a twenty dollar bill to buy something new and we would eat fish and chips at Tampa Bay Center. The memories, like they were yesterday, are the ones that stay with you. I thought it was the twenty dollars back then, but now, I see it was so much more. It was sowing a relationship with me to last FOREVER! Not just when they were here.....but when it was their time to go to heaven, I still have them.


Being a parent has been one of the hardest jobs I ever asked for, but the one that comes with the most rewards if you work at relationship. So fellow bloggers and readers if your a mom work on relationships....be there....solid.....and even when work, school, life in general.......remember to take the time to spend with your kids/grankids......build it for later. Life gets crazy and we sometimes take for granted that just because we raise them, means the relationship is automatic, but often times, that is not the case. I am sure granma was not up for mall shopping one or two of those Saturdays......It paid off in the long run!!!! Until next time bloggers and readers.......Happy Mothers Day to every mother out there........May this be the most amazing Mothers Day Ever! And to my two wonderful daughters thank you for being the joy of my life.......the light of my life because without you in my life.......I know why God gave you to me......to complete me!

To the MIGHTY BEAVER!

This is what has to happen to the otter when you are involved in a project that requires much detail. The otter is not the most detail oriented creater that God created. The otter by heart would rather just be the fun one. The one who does not have to work so hard to be detailed. The beaver however is detailed. The beaver spends all of his time and details come very naturally to the beaver. The beaver personality is steady and true to details. Now, when an otter is asked to do an overly detailed project, sometimes the otter will have no choice but to put on the beaver mask. These past three weeks I have been involved with FCAT at the middle school.

This project is so big that to be the detailed person that I needed to be required me to put on the beaver mask for 3 whole weeks. (OH Coach K) say it isn't so. The partner that I had to work with this year....is a golden retriever at heart. Wonderful man at the school........but if you know any retrievers you know that detail is not the strenth of their character. So this is what we had. An otter and a golden trying to tackle a huge detailed project and stay focused to complete the task until the state picked up the packages.In previous years, this project was ran by a beaver so my role could continue to be the otter and still do the project. However, this year it became clear that if we were going to complete this task accurately, the mask of the beaver would have to be on. Friday was the last day of FCAT and it felt amazing to be able to take off the beaver mask and go back to being the otter. Needless to say I was soooooo overly exhausted mentally every day when I came home....because being a beaver was extremely hard for me. I will have to say to all the beavers I have made comments about....as I am married to one, I have much respect for them now.

So to all the beavers out there, I commend you for your detailed personality. I learned these past few weeks and was humbled by the beaver personality. So Johnny for all the times, I have swam by your little beaver damn and did my best to steal the fish from under the logs you have stategically put and crash your damn, I am sorry. I think that as time passes, I will truely go back to the eager otter playfulness and I might not feel as sorry as I do right now.SO for all of you bloggers and readers out there I hope that I can retire the beaver mask....as it is not very fun to wear.

Until my next blog and maybe now I can catch up on blogging and FB.....as this project consumes me and I have no choice but to put my life and social networking on hold. So until next time bloggers.....I hope that you are sooooo blessed.

What happens in an otter cave.....Stays in the Otter cave!

I was so honored to play in the otter pond with three of the most special otters in my life. When it comes to personality profiles, I have been branded the otter for sure.....I love to play.......get much distracted....way too easily..........and I have to say...that I have NO beaver personality anywhere in my make up. As the four of us set out for our day of "adventure" there were no beavers about! (we all left ours home)! HAHAHA

As we chatted between ourselves.....laughed at missed turns......smiled about potty breaks.......jumping from one conversation to the other as true otters do.......our day of adventure began at 6.30 AM....yes, early for an otter. As we drove to the other coast for sadly enough to honor granpa otter (and Aunt Jean) we all sat on the front row of this little funeral home.......listening to the things that others had to say about this wonderful woman, I could not help but notice that there in the silence that the otter can not sit still for too long. One otter to my right was yawning and moving his feet, the beautiful otter to my immediate right was moving her hands, and swinging her leg.......me......was moving my feet and shifting back and forth...and the mighty otter to my left....too was moving his hands over his bible. Seemed to be funny to me...that when a personality profiles an animal....this was the truest discription and most accurate. As we left the East Coast......we chattered once again, ate snacks.......and stopped for lunch.

At lunch in a cozy little booth for 4 we shared salad.........company, soup, stories and made more memories (as granpa would say). It truely was an awesome day....and how much the four of us are soooooo much alike. It was decided that was goes down in an otter cave.......certainly stays in an otter cave! It was a great day.......and once we got back home, I was driving ALONE (which everyone knows otters don't like to be alone) back home......I snickered and laughed at the adventurous day that I had with my fellow otter family. Gave me another appreciation on the otter at play.......just looking for the beaver now and then to just wreck all his tedeous, focused, detailed work! Take time to play........all work and no play is not good for anyone.

Thank you to my fellow otters to invite me to come along on your outing. I had a great day!!!! Walked away with many new memories and laughs. Bloggers and readers and fellow otters out there....if you are blessed to be married to the beaver......take advise from your fellow otter.....take time to have an otter date.......you will be surprised on how much fun you will have! UNTIL next time.......

Happy Valentine's Day Fellow Bloggers

Happy Valentine's Day everyone....Bloggers and Readers. I was thought today that it is funny how we as a society puts one day aside to celebrate love. I think we should celebrate our loved ones and the special people in our lives everyday. As I picked out my Valentine's cards my heart smiled as some of the most important people in my life, my husband and my two beautiful children God has given me........all is good and well today in my life.

Nothing came out in the middle of the night to kick me in the tail end! No shoes have fallen...and that darn full moon last week totally left me alone! As the challenges of life can still come and be ugly at any moment......for this moment it is well with my soul.

As I popped on the FB pages of the friends on my FB.......I see such love from girlfriends to boyfriends....daughters to daddy's.....moms to daughters......friends to friends.........spouses to spouses........people who are not ashamed to profess how much they love the ones that God has put in our lives.......today like everyday....it a time to say.....how important you are in my life.....if you are reading this today....I wish you LOVE.......I wish you all the love can give you not just today....but the embracing of each new day God gives you here....to feel the love that someone has for you....and to feel the love you have for someone else.

I have been reminded these past few months that life is fragile. Tomorrow the shoe might fall, the full moon might kick me in the tail....but when it comes.....I will handle the challenges and obsticals that I need to at the moment to survive....but for now......for today.......I will feel loved......enjoy the moment........and be positive that the love I have for my family.....they feel everyday. I will work on being the best mom, the best wife, the best daughter, the best friend I can be.....giving of myself to those around me.

Don't take love for granted today or any day. Being loved is amazing.........and loving in return is even better. Bloggers and Readers....Happy Valentines Day........UNTIL NEXT TIME...........

Broken Seam Repaired

Peace like a river.....was a song sang in church this morning. In all honesty, I should have gotten myself up and out this morning but with all the things and obsticals over the weekend, I chose to livestream CHURCH this morning. As the hymn rang out from my living room, as I was trying to fix the major project over the weekend...draining our pool of 10,000 gallons......fixing the liner.......refilling yesterday......and getting it back in functioning order. When Peace Like a River was sang, I stopped what I was doing...and came in to sing with the choir and harmonize a bit. The words of that song rang so strong this morning with all the greiving that many have felt this past month.

As I sat infront of the computer........listening to Pastor...looking into the eyes of those who have lost loved ones........it was time for the sermon. I was wondering, what God has placed on the heart of Pastor for the week. To my surprise......it was on marriage and family. I love to listen to a message that feeds my spirit of reality of life.....the celebration of marriage as Valentines Day approaches. I am lucky and blessed to be surrounded by very solid marriages. My mom and dad, Sister Martha & Brother Ed, My Pal Forever and Granma.......I have grown up all my life, that divorce is not an option. I beleive in divorce. I beleive there are times in a marriage it is time to move on and find another partner going down your same path. Three words today Pastor spoke on for a foundation of a marriage "Say I'm Sorry, Say I'm Wrong.....these are "pointers" that he spoke on.....to keep marriages together.

He made a parallel to marriages....it reminded me of my pool project. The seam had rusted apart during these past 12 years. It is an above ground pool. The liner was under such pressure with the water causing it to stretch out through the broken seam. This reminded me of what he was saying. Once the water and pressure was released and the pool was empty, we bolted a three foot peice of steel to the inside of the liner. Bob said, "this liner will be stronger then it was from the factory". I doubted a little.....as the water filled up the pool, and passed the repaird seam. The pressure of that 10 thousand gallons on the new peice of medal had been a patch of protection to the seam. Today as I was listening to Pastor and I watched his face as his passion for family is soooooo strong, I was reminded that my marriage is like that broken seam and that any challenges I have faced in my marriage....that the patch we have put on it.....will make it stronger then from the factory.



As Valentines day approaches, make a vow to your mate God has given to you.....to be honest, loyal, loving and learn to say, I am sorry. It was amazing cuz, when Pastor said that...I said out loud....it goes a long way. Pastor was right on the money this morning. I love my husband today! As my anniversary approaches in March...celebrating how many years? 23 years. We have walked many roads, but I look forward to my future with him.

As Pastor ended his sermon, he did it with a story about my sweetest Granpa. A man of marriage and family. I was reminded how after a bad accident that caused granma to have seizers, he committed himself to his wife to the day God took him home. As tears fell down my cheeks, happy tears, I was reminded how honored I have been to be surrounded in my life of positive marriages that refuse to fail and grow old together until God takes the other home.

As the broken repaired seam, my marriage will be stronger then ever. I have friends that too have struggled with marriage and yours too, will be stronger then ever...and you will grow old with mate God has put in your life. So bloggers / readers, whether or not your are married or not......if God has sent someone to you.....and placed them in your life, appreciate them everyday. Don't only appreciate the big things......appreciate the everyday stuff. Love your Mate! Not just on the day of love.....but everyday. Until next time.

Blogging with a heavy heart

It is with a heavy heart that I blog today. Since the beginning of the year, all has been steady........and the obsticals and challenges in my life have been much to the norm.....the rainy days have certainly come my way since the end of the year but the challengers and gloomy days have not been more then I can bear.

I had lunch with a handsome grey bearded man yesterday whos heart also is heavy for the line of work he has been called too. I told him that I was glad that God did not call me into the ministry such as him, as I am not sure I could have ever handled what God has called him to do. He has been called to send 5 people to heaven since the beginning of 2012. Something like death......is not something that I handle well and learned that even though the line of a pastor comes with all the seasons of life, no one handles it well and it makes our hearts sad and heavy.

As the writer of Ecclesiates chapter 3 states...

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Copied by one of my favorite websites.....biblegateway.com

There is nothing that hurts more then the loss and finalization of a loved one going to heaven. Not that I am sure heaven is the ultimate place to be.....but I hope that God doesn't call me anytime soon.....cuz I really like it here and have much to do before my time is up. I know that the greiving process is so hard, especially when you loose someone suddenly......there are so many unanswered questions......there is so many things you wish you would have said....there are so many things you wish you could ask.....but when someone leaves this earth before your ready for them to go.....it leaves this hole in your heart....that only time can fill.

It amazes me how God has created us, to be creatures of "bouncers" we baouce back even when we go through the toughest of times......when we don't think our heart will ever heal.....some how....it does.

As my heart is heavy on behalf of my brothers and sisters in God today who have lost precious loved ones.......I know that in time, your hearts will heal. For the parents who have lost a child, for children who have lost a mom.......for ones who have lost a spouse...for those who have lost an aunt or uncle or a brother....my heart greives with you today. So, as this weekend of the sad and final day approaches, I pray for all of you......and know in my heart that God will offer you the strength it will take for you to survive, learn, stand and ultimately go on. I know that you have been there for me in such times as this.........and I am there supporting you too in your time of need.

So bloggers and readers...the true realization that if you are reading this....and you have anyone in your life you love, tell them today....don't assume they just know....because life surely turns on a dime......and your next moment in life, as unsure as it is....could change. So never hesitate to tell the ones you love how much they mean to you......UNTIL next time........