She said to me......."you have never heard that?" I said......"leave cody in the closet?" must be something I need to know......I thought.......then she said......."Cody" is Codependent!.......OH MY!
How to revisit the fact that my codependent nature comes out.....and I think I am a recovering CD but somedays....it just seems to sneak out and seep from the cracks of the door. I try.......to leave it behind and why do I struggle.
Today is a codepenent day I am saddly confessing......but hopefully through blogging I will be able to move forward and realize that ones discontontintment in life....does not constitute in my unhappiness. I am not sure when I will really grasp that thought....but working on it....truely is a start.
When I said to her.....I am a recovering codependent.....her response was "how is that working for you?".......then today......I, of course, was then challenged from the moment my feet hit the ground.......on whether or not I was going to be sucummed to the codependent mentaility! Funny how that is how life works isn't it?
Funny how sometimes our inside nature is challenged just when we think we have crossed over a threshhold of something.....we step right back into an uglyness of our old selves.
So in my total recognition of my old behavior.....I will take contol and totally realize that this is not the way I need to conduct myself today.....it has taken half of my day away....but unlike other days before.......instead of remining in this holding pattern, I will try to work through and break free today....and realize that just because one person is unhappy does not mean it has to be my feeling of the day. Just because the shoe fell out of the sky (not that my old behavior was not waiting for it...and it might have been too good to be true) that my life needs to remain stable and I need to remain happy because of who I have become and not because of outside circumstances.
This new found behavior does not come natural for the codependent...however, if an otter can successfully wear a "beaver" mask....then a codependent in nature.....can recover...and leave it in the closet and move forward in life. So for today.....I will take the advise of this great woman of wisdom...and leave "Cody in the closet" and do my best to continue the recovering process and not stay stuck today.
For all the codependents out there.....bloggers and readers just the same.....I challenge you too today.......to dig deep.......and maybe try the simpleness of this challenge and too, leave it at home.....and step out....get in your car.....drive and be ok......to just do it on your own.........maybe just the SHOVE you needed like me....to say....I really am OK!
Others being OK is not the issue....it is am I OK? And the answer is yes.....I am OK today...........so bloggers and readers.........Hope me putting my behavior out there....speaks a reminder to someone....but even if it only speaks to me........I know......IT'S OK!
UNTIL.....................
Wow when that shoe drops, most times I don't see or hear anything else! Recovery is a slow process, casting my cares on God, that He is my joy, not any one person. Each new day is a do over!
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